the best Love i can ever give.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
if you know that this is for you. i could never hate you, only because i cant stop loving you. if one day, you needed help. call upon me, i still care about you.
Catherine Dorinda.
what i have written so far...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
FRIENDS. one of the most important things in my life.. they define who i am. they are who i want to be with. never will i want to hurt any of them. never wanting to lose them. but with only who i am, how to keep all of them close? making effort to keep my treasures close to me.
afraid that people will judge me for the things i do. afraid that because of my decisions, they will not like me. please don judge me, cos i aint perfect, cos i aint who you want me to be. i can be blur at times, i cant be an asshole sometimes.. but am i not like that always. i just want to be with my friends. when they are happy, i am happy. they smile, i smile.
they say " those who matter, dont care. those who care, dont matter" that sint true. thats bullshit to someone who treasure all his friends. one that doesnt open up to everyone, only those few that you know who you are. but when i open, its like a freaking dam that pours out. i really treasure those that talks to me. be it guy or girl. be it younger or older than me. doesnt really matter. someone once told me, " i know you better than you know yourself" you are right.. maybe only you know me that well.
recently, i found a new friend. someone i can talk about everything with. someone i knew for 3 years already. but we are just hi-bye friends.. somehow, we just cliqued... somehow, like magic. i can just say what i want. and i know you wont judge, cos you don like people to judge too. perfect friend, i would say. this could be a start of a long friendship. i want to treasure this and all the others i have had. this time, its gonna be different, i am gonna work hard to keep my friends. all of them.
nice.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
i hate myself for being to gullible. being so nice and in the end hurting myself. why am i so nice? why sometimes i cant be someone that walks around feeling pissed off and angry. why cant i have a face like leroy, always fierce. those who don know him, doesnt dare talk to him. those who know him, only talks when there is a need. those who are close to him, only truly know him. why am i so gullible? so be cheated again and again. strangers who are selfish, cunning. big fake ass bastard, i would say. these people, really pisses me off. to the point, i would love knock their head off their shoulder, literally. 80/20 rule. 20% of the people in this world is nice. 20% of the nice people hopefully stays in singapore. 20% of the people who are nice and stays in singapore hopefully are my friends.
and that would be more than enough. i hate it how people will want to take advantage of those that are nice. and those that are nice, having to suck it up and move on. its not that they cannot do anything, its they just choose to let it go. no matter how big or small that issue is.. nothing is too big for them to let it go. it maybe an expensive lesson that they learn, to a mistrust between a close friend and still chooses to forgive, to a slap in the face or hit on the head and still chooses not to lash out at the person.
so what are the things nice people can do so they them will not be hurt or suffer? ohh, hurt and suffering are always there? then how to suffer or hurt lesser? tell me.
so much to say..
Thursday, March 24, 2011
so much to say, so much to type... i am afraid of how ppl will see me. afraid that people will ask me about it. afraid to share with others cos i know, the moment someone presses hard enough, everything will go. afraid how people will think of me.
yet, the only reason i will write it here is because i know, very few people knows that i have a blog. even lesser, knows that this space is still alive. even fewer will come by this space.
i'm done.
opening it up just to close it again
Monday, February 14, 2011
its been about 4 years. 4 years seems a long time enough. 4 years of being afraid. there were a few times in the past 2 years. yet, those times i didnt work hard enough because i felt afraid. i let it past. i let it fade. yet, when i finally know this is it. this is the one. i open so wide, ready to let myself lost out. i was just so sure. yet again, i was wrong.
like a year ago, when i saw you. i knew you were great, almost perfect. it didnt matter, who you were, how you changed. cos i know inside you are all the same. that same person i first knew, that same person i had feelings for. you are worth it, so worth it. worth the time, the wait.
stupid. if i hadnt chose to let myself fallen head over heels. i think i would have still be able to walk.
is it true?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
many know me without problems, without fear.
always smiling not many ever see me cry.(if you did, well, you have had the privilege)
shock comes to those closer friends and family, when i shared about the problems that had just stepped out of. i never tell anyone. no one. its just me. problems were just for myself to
overcome or for me to
breakthrough. many close friends said" Dejun, you need to share about it. cannot just keep it to yourself."
i never ever listens. i continued to keep problems to my own. reason was simple: i want those around me to be happy. always.
problems brings sadness. hurt. fear.
i never want my friends or family to feel that way around me.
that's what i told myself. that's what i believed in.
today, i was casually talking to my friend. he was telling me what he and two others were talking about me. somehow he told me in exact words, quoting from another friend of mine, "maybe he is facing problems and there is no one he can turn to"
i sat there, no words came out.
i felt tears swelling up my eyes.
i didnt know why.
yet again, i stop myself from letting it drop down.
it was as if, those words shot right through me leaving huge gap in my body.
is it true? what he had said.
is it?
deep down i felt i know .. ..
this how i want to live my life...
Monday, June 14, 2010
Every day, 24 hours passes by. Every hour, 60 mins passes. Every moment, 1 seconds passes. Question, how are you living that very moment?
The biggest regret in my life is not doing the most I could have, today.
Yet the biggest opportunity in my life is doing all that I can, tomorrow.
Reading thru some of my close friends comments made me that there is always a tomorrow! And that the tomorrow that comes, i have to treasure it. Living it to the fullest, doing the most that i can! This is how i want to live my life. That as i go through each day, each hour, each minute, each moment. I must make sure that i am living to the fullest!! I believe God wants me to learn that today. Through trials, I will learn. Through challenges, I will grow. Thank God for friends again and again!
Labels: live my life
my deepest apologies and FOP!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
first, i want to say that whatever, you read at the bottom. it was all frustration and frustrations. i apologize for all the words and the "colorful" language.. however, i do not regret as it was all frustration. that post would serve as a lesson for me. it will be a time for me to really control myself. i know that as christian are suppose to have sanctified mouth. however, no everyone is perfect. i know i did say all those things, so it is over(that part of my life) like what luwei mention on the tag board. it is so true(:
this week has been a great week for me(: being able to attend the Festival Of Praise. the first day was awesome! the msg was just nice for me! the moment i sat down at the seat. i felt that, that day's sermon was a special sermon and it was for me to listen. in addition! pastor Mark Connor asked those that felt that the sermon was for them, to stand up and i stood up. everyone in the hall pray for those standing up. and i felt a huge weight lifted up(: even though i had things that haven been done. my leader didnt scold me and asked to submit to him asap.
i am amazed by what God can do me. if God can take up all my burden then he can do anything for you. carry God's burden for his yoke is light. Follow God and take up his plan and all things will be given and provided to you(:
have a great night!! goodnight!
one day after the day before..
Friday, July 24, 2009
one day after the day before today. moving on....
nothing much, i didnt cared about it anymore. as long as i know that my mum has nothing to be paid. my dad has to do something about himself.. and the debts. i will help out too. saving and using the money i earn. if not enough, then maybe i need an extra job. i have to push myself to handle it(: i know i can.
i know of a God that helps me always. he has been my provider for a long time. this time, he really want to test my ability of looking for him and having faith in Him.
the post below if you are reading it, better read fast! it will disappear by 25july 2009, 2359.
by the way if you want to know more? email me at dx1r3j@hotmail.com(: mention your name!
the post below shows how one person will react in different times. it isnt what God will do(:
take care!! good bye!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
GOD SAY WE HAVE TO SUFFER?
BUT I DON THINK LIKE THIS!
I AM SORRY GOD! I AM SORRY.....
I AM SORRY.
A LITTLE PRAYER MAKES ALL THING WELL
if you know that this is for you. i could never hate you, only because i cant stop loving you. if one day, you needed help. call upon me, i still care about you.